Forgiveness
by Aiedail Liadeia
Summary: "Will you keep hating me for the rest of your days?" "Is that your way of asking for forgiveness?" "Do you talk about forgiveness? There is no such a thing for me. Nor for you". An aternative ending for the season two of the anime. Suzaku x Lelouch.
1. Truth

**Forgiveness**

Chapter 1: Truth

–Is that all?

–Yes, milord –you responded, mechanically. Before I could even dismiss you, you stood from your kneeling position and, not sparing me a glance, you started retreating. Bitterness filled my mouth. Not letting you go yet, I let it slip from my tongue.

–Will you keep hating me for the rest of your days? –I claimed, you stopped mid track and, not facing me, you answered.

–Is that your way of asking for forgiveness? –you said, venomously.

–Do you talk about forgiveness? –I saw you flinch very slightly. I could have imagined it–. There is no such a thing for me. Nor for you.

You kept walking, away from me, not looking back once. The chamber's gate closing with a bang was all the answer you gave me. Alone again, another voice echoed.

–You don't give up, do you? –her silhouette appeared out of the shadows.

–Leave me alone, Cee-Cee.

–You are so desperate, you are willing to crawl on your knees before him to make him look at you.

–Shut up! –I ordered. She simulated an offended look.

–He won't come if you keep begging him. Offer him something different.

–What? –I spit.

–The truth –she said. A heavy silences followed.

–The truth could end him. Is my burden to bear.

–His one sided vision of it will end him too –she said, matter-of-factly–. He may not realize it yet, but you don't have much time left. Use it.

Silently, she made the same path that you had taken moments ago, leaving me alone with my throne once more.

* * *

–Did you called, milord?

–Sit, I need to speak to you –against my words, you remained standing–. I'll go straight to the point –then I paused. This would be tough, but there was one and only way to say what I had to. Bluntly–. I want you to know, that I never planned the slaughter of the first Japanese Special Zone, in fact I had agreed with it –I said. Your face didn't change one bit–. Geass is treacherous. The more you use it, the more unstable it becomes –you were still unmoving, with eyes so dead I feared you weren't listening at all–. During a time, I was capable of activating it at will. But that time was over before I realised. When I gave Euphy that false order, my geass shouldn't have been activated. But it was. I couldn't stop her then. And I knew guilt would be too much for her, so I took it upon myself –I said. There was a silence then, a terrifying one.

–Are you telling me Euphy died over an accident? –you asked, your voice monotonous.

–Yes.

There was a second silence.

Then…

–You bastard! –you barked, as you stood from your chair and in one violent move you swept all the objects in my desk. Pure fury emanated from your eyes. A reaction at last–. You killed her by accident!? Do you want me to believe this!?

–Believe it or not, is the truth –I said, acting calm. Before I knew it, you stomped around the desk, and with the strength I knew you to possess, you grabbed me by the neck of my cloth and lifted me away from the floor.

–Are you not happy with what you have done already!? Why are you telling me this now!? WHY!? –you yelled at my face. Half choking with your tight grip, I managed to answer.

–Would you… have been capable… of listening before? –your eyes watered in anger and sorrow.

You dropped me, I fell. You stormed like a ferocious hurricane out of the room, as I laid on the floor fighting to regain my breath and failing miserably.

* * *

–Leluoch! Tell me the truth for once! –a harsh voice raised my eyes from the lecture. You irrupted the room with purposeful steps. You sat in the armchair in front of me and pierced me with your green, fulminating eyes–. All what you told me about Euphy, should I believe it?

–Yes –I answered.

–Why? –you asked right away.

–Because is what really happened and I wanted you to know at last.

–Why now?

–It wasn't possible before.

–Why did you lie to me before, when I first asked you?

–I wanted to protect you from the truth. But at this point not to know it may be just as harmful –I responded. You tightened you jaw, your fists, and looked elsewhere, towards the window. The moon was rising outside, casting you its silver light.

–What about Shirley? She wasn't supposed to die either? –you asked, almost sarcastically.

–No, she wasn't.

–Then why she did? –you said, finally meeting my gaze. I had no option. I had to tell you everything.

–Shirley was told I was Zero, the responsible for her father's death. But the truth was too painful for her. So I erase myself from her memory –you kept looking at me, as if unfazed–. Under circumstances that I knew later, my Geass in her was cancelled. She remembered everything, and still, she decided to forgive me. That day on Ikebukuro, I thought the best place for her was at your side. But then…

–Then?

–Rolo –I said. You tensed–. When I regained my memories, I lied to Rolo. I made him believe I loved him as a brother.

–You turned him into your ally –you said, darkly.

–No, he wasn't quite an ally. He despised all people I cared about, because he wanted me for himself.

–It cannot be… –you murmured.

–It doesn't matter if Rolo pulled the trigger. It was the same as killing her myself –I said, a tight knot in my throat. But no tear would fall from my eyes. Your eyes, on the contrary, were suspiciously bright–. Later, Rolo died saving me. He freed himself from my lies and decided to die for me willingly, as my brother –I finished. I felt strangely relieved at telling you this. Somehow, my atrocities could be told with just few words. It took you a moment before you could speak again.

–Tell me more. Tell me everything –you said, and I knew I couldn't refuse you.

* * *

–Are you going to keep confessing? –you asked, as you entered the throne room.

–No. I called you to tell you I've come to a decision. An important one –you stopped right in front of me, your eyes piercing me dead–. Suzaku, you must kill me as you promised –I declared. You froze. Not waiting for you to recover, I proceeded to explain–. According to the plan, the world's hate is concentrated in me. The only thing left, is to clear our path from Schneizel. Then, you must become Zero, the symbol of justice, the one to clean the world form its tyrant. Like that, you won't need the force of arms to reunite the nations into negotiation for peace. A lasting peace –I declared. A dense silence followed. You were taking in my words.

–So you will become a scapegoat? –you asked, not a feeling in your face.

–The one who kills should be the one prepared to be killed.

–And you want me to be you executioner?

–It will be our punishment.


	2. Guilt

Chapter 2: Guilt

Two months. That was all the time you had left.

When you first told me about Zero Requiem, before the battle against Schneizel, I could hardly dimension the meaning of your plan. The way you said how I was supposed to kill you, with a straight face, unwavering voice, calculating mind, as if merely discussing one of your new battle strategies, made me blind at the moment of the real implications of your words. Of the fact that you had counted days. I didn't realize how much time that was until you told me it would take two months to prepare the Requiem.

Perhaps that was why you had decided to confess your faults with me. You were preparing. You were preparing me.

Before dying, Shirley told me that everything could be forgiven. That it was me who wasn't prepared to forgive you. Because you had betrayed me, and I had betrayed you.

I accused you many times again of being a criminal of the worst kind, when my hands were probably as dirty as yours. You killed Euphy and, in a way, you killed Shirley too. But I wasn't safe of blame. I was also responsible for their deaths. Because I wasn't there for them. Because I wasn't there for you, nor for Nunally, who I almost killed myself. I also pushed you to commit your crimes. After all, I sold you to the emperor himself when I had the opportunity. Had I known any better…

How much pain did you bring over those who surrounded you? But then, how much pain I brought over you because of my ideals? I gave you my back each time you extended your hand to me. Because I believed I had all the answers I needed. But my quest to find the honorable way within the system towards justice was a total failure. Even though I despised your methods, you followed your convictions and made achievements. Instead, the path I had so much faith in led me nowhere. You showed me the hard way that system simply couldn't be honorable, or fair. Because honor and justice were two relative concepts that others knew very differently. I could do nothing but to follow you, for I was powerless. And you had power in excess.

With your confessions you showed me a glimpse of what you had endured, and I started to understand the burden you had assumed along with your power. I learnt that, even with the power on your side, you couldn't avoid tragedy. Because, even though I called you a monster, you were human; you misdid and suffered as one.

But, maybe, it was time to break the never ending cycle of pain. Maybe, it was possible to remember what we had once were, what we could have been, to finally embrace each other, with our crimes and our ugliness.

I couldn't quite forgive you, but truth was that it wasn't in my hands to forgive you at all, because I was as guilty as you. You were right, there was no forgiveness for either of us. We would both receive our punishment and everything would end, inevitably. But before that happened, I wanted to know if I could brush my hatred aside and reach out for you as I never dared. I wished to know if I could want you again as I wanted you once. Because long before you became Zero and I became a Knight, I had wanted you with every fiber of my being. Because my affection for you had changed through time, drifting further and further from our childish friendship. Even if I had realized it too late.

But before I reached out for you, I needed to know something more. Something I knew you answered with a lie the first time I asked.

I stood at the door of your private chambers. It was late, you had already retired for the night. Usually, I never came in here; ever since we had started working together, a silent distance had been established, one that either of us had dared to cross. Until now.

I knocked.

–Who calls? –you asked from the other side.

–Suzaku –I responded. A moment of silence passed. Perhaps you wouldn't bother opening the door after all. But then, it slid open. You were in there, fully dressed, regarding me with surprise–. I need to speak to you –I told you, risking a glance towards your room. C.C. was sprawled over your bed. My guts churned with annoyance–. Alone –I said, and you looked nervously at C.C., who immediately read the atmosphere. She raised lazily, and walked towards us.

–Finally –she murmured, as she walked in between us. You flinched and my guts churned again, bothered by how that witch always seemed to know things.

–Come in, if you would –you said, leaving the door open as you went inside your room again. You were capable of giving your back carelessly to the person that was supposed to kill you. I entered, and closed the door behind me. So vulnerable–. What was you wanted to talk about?

–I have a question for you. Please tell me the truth –I said. You turned around, uneasiness showing in your face –Why did you ordered me to live? –I asked, before you had the opportunity to evade. Your brows furrowed. It took you time before you could respond.

–I couldn't let you die.

–Why?

–Because I'm a despicable being. My selfishness knows no limit –you said, almost arrogantly, playing the role of the villain you knew so well. But I said no word in response. You looked right into my eyes and knew I wasn't satisfied with that answer. You lowered your orbes, as if defeated–. I couldn't afford to lose you too.

–Why? –I interjected.

–Why!? Is it so hard to understand?

–Answer me.

–You happen to be important to me, dammit! –you shouted. Your voice echoed in the room, in my ears, as your eyes glowed with frustration.

Something broke inside my chest.

I pushed you from your shoulders across the room, until you fell on your bed. I kneeled in front of you, under your confused stare, and grabbed one of your hands in mine. White skin covered your delicate knuckles. Your thin, elegant fingers were crowned by perfect nails. This hand was dirty with crimes, yet, somehow, I could still find beauty in it. Slowly, I brought it to my lips, and I didn't feel repulse. I couldn't. I kissed your knuckles, one by one. Then, I looked up at you, at your brokenhearted eyes–. Don't do this now –you whispered.

–Why not?

–You know why not –you said. Of course, I knew all the reasons why this shouldn't happen. But, I refused to ignore the reasons why I wanted it to happen.

I climbed to the bed, forcing you to lie first. You stared at me with wide, scared eyes, looking as vulnerable as you did when we were kids. I leaned and I leaned, pinning you with my eyes, with my weight. My lips were barely touching yours when you murmured.

–Euphy, did you love her? –you asked, and I was suddenly out of breath. Because you had just stabbed my guts with that terrible question. I searched for your eyes and I was shocked when I found fear in them, sheer fear that I would answer yes. So I took a moment, and I also confessed you a truth I never had.

–You were important to me way before.

I waited no longer, I stamped my mouth in yours, getting for the first time the flavor of your lips. You gasped audibly, you were somewhat panicked. You pushed me weakly with your hands, but I persisted. Little by little, you melted under me, under the insistence of my mouth that progressively took possession of yours. Finally, I won over your protests. I couldn't stop myself, I pushed my tongue in between your lips, and I earned a little moan from you when I found yours. My kisses became furious. My hands blindly looked for your body, for your waist. I enveloped you tightly, our chests firmly pressed together. I only let go of you when it seemed one of us would fait. As you gasped for breath, I looked at you. Your lips were already swollen. Your eyes barely returned my gaze through half lidded eyes.

–Did you love Shirley? –I asked, my voice hoarse. Your brows furrowed–. And Cee-Cee? And Kallen?

–You were always more important than any of them –you claimed, forcefully, as if offended. And I was breathless again. This time, you have stabbed my chest with your honest answer.

And I knew then that you wanted this as badly as I did.

When I took your mouth again, I felt a shy response on your part. This time, I made it slow, I gave you time. As I savored your moving lips, a pair of hands crept on mi back. A pair of arms surrounded my shoulders. And you squeezed me as I squeezed you.

I left your mouth, I kept savoring the tender skin on your neck. You shivered. I had found a sweet spot of yours. You gasped when I started leaving licks in between my kisses. But your clothing didn't allowed me to go much further. I tugged at your robe from every fold I found, desperate to free you from your emperor garments. Desperate to find your genuine self under the bothersome layers. And as I fought against them, you helped me shed mine. We didn't stopped until the only thing left was our bare skin.

Your cheeks were crimson as I looked at your denuded body. So pale, so slender, where I was tanned and burly. I roamed my hands, softly, over your slim shoulders, your chest with its two pink buds, your flat stomach, your narrow waist, your bony hips, your sex. Upwards, you were looking at me intensely. A silent question crossed between us. Would we go further? Would we commit the deed? The crime? When we were so close of achieving our goal? Would we risk it all, your resolution to die, my resolution to kill you, over this?

I would. When I came here, with the question in my head and all the desires in my heart, I had thought about this, about having you. I won't deny it. But, at this point, only you could give me the answer. And you knew it.

You closed your eyes.

–I'm cold –you whispered. Yes, your skin had goosebumps. I gathered you in my arms. I helped you sit. We struggled with the covers, until we were both tucked underneath. Our bare bodies came into contact for the first time. We gasped. The look you gave me then, amethyst eyes clouded with lust, was all the answer I needed.

I continued where I left, your sweet neck. Every time I left a little bite on your neck you let out a little gasp. Your chest was next. I couldn't help myself, I tasted one of your pink buds. It was hard. You moaned, and it encouraged me to go further. As I maintained you distracted with my ministrations, I sneaked a hand to my mouth to moisten my fingers. Then, I slid it down your body. When I found your backside, you broke the kiss with a gasp.

–What… are you doing? –you asked in between pantings.

–I don't want you to hurt. I need to prepare you –I whispered in your ear, as I came to the understanding that you have never been touched this way. Something in my interior cheered at the idea of being your first. And only.

Attentive to your responses, I intruded your entrance with my finger. You tensed immediately.

–Stay calm. It's alright –I cooed in your ear.

I started massaging you, and you trembled and gasped and stirred, as I left kisses in your temple and your cheeks. I knew I had to find a certain spot inside you that would make it pleasurable for you, so I didn't stop until, instead of a gasp, you let out a moan. There it was. I kept caressing that place until I knew you were not trembling from discomfort anymore. Slowly you started relaxing. Your entrance was softer. The noises you were making were provoking my arousal to hurt. I had to do it soon.

–Hold onto me –I told you, as I took out my fingers and found a comfortable position in between your legs. You surrounded me with your arms once more, bracing yourself.

I pushed. You flinched at the first intrusion. It was tight, almost painful. But I didn't faltered. I pushed harder. As I slowly went deeper and deeper, I heard your contained cries. You were fiercely biting your lips, your face contorted in pain. I didn't know what to do. It hurt me to see you hurting. In my despair, I took your mouth into mine and I gave you my lip. You found it with your teeth and, as I pressed further into you, you bit me with all your might. Warm and coppery liquid mingled in our kiss. Blind between the sharp ache and the soaring pleasure starting to engulf me, I advanced only until I felt I couldn't go any deeper without injuring you. We were connected in one, but not completely so. You let go of my mouth, and gave my abused lip soft licks in a silent apology. I let my head fall until our foreheads touched.

–Are you alright? –and I knew it was something stupid to ask when I knew you were in pain. But I needed to know if you could continued at all.

–Yes, I can do this –you whispered.

–Then, I will do it slowly –you nodded–. It will be better, I promise.

Taking a good hold of you, I started rocking, slowly, gently. The solely sensation of being encased by your warm interior was enough to almost make me faint. Yet, I struggled to keep control, to keep in command of my body, so I wouldn't cause you any more pain.

It was awkward at first. I didn't quite know how to move. Trial and error took me time. But then, little by little, your moans of distress became moans of want. Certain angle, with certain force made you sound deliciously. It had to be that way.

I increased the pressure. Immediately, the alluring sounds you made told me I was right. And it was glorious. Knowing you were finally enjoying this made me feel it all the more. I rocked, and I rocked, and I rocked harder, losing my mind in the process. Almost without noticing, I went deeper inside you with each thrust.

Suddenly, I had buried myself wholly into you. You shouted. And I almost melted inside you then.

–Lelouch… –I grunted, barely remembering to be careful. I used every bit of self control I had left to stop all motion and look to see if you were still alive. You looked back at me wide-eyed, mouth agape, shocked as I was that this was even possible.

–Don't stop! –you demanded.

I charged at you. When you started to chant my name, I knew I wouldn't last long.

–Suzaku… Suzaku!

I wanted to feel you whole. I wanted you to feel me whole. If I could have fused us together, I would have done it. Without a second thought. That way you wouldn't have to die, and I wouldn't have to kill you. I searched for your hands. I captured them in mine, intertwining our fingers tightly.

We rode together to the end. You screamed in ecstasy. I groaned in agony, as you clenched tightly around me and a terrifying pleasure seized my entire being. It lasted for eternal seconds.

We collapsed together on the bed. We were both panting frantically, soaked in sweat and sex. I tumbled onto my side, pulling you with me. It took us long moments before we could finally catch our breaths. I opened my eyes. You were there, at my side, hot, alive, beating. Within my reach. In two months, you wouldn't.

Carefully, I extended my hand to wipe the hair sticking to your forehead, as I engraved your image in my memory. You didn't react. In an instant you were fast asleep. I surrounded you in an embrace, and as I contemplated how fragile you felt in my arms, I came to understand that forgiveness meant nothing when it came to you. No matter what you did, I simply wasn't capable of hating you. Even though life had pulled us on contrary paths, here we were, clinging to each other as in the beginning.

You were precious to me, the most precious person I had. If two months was everything we had left, then, I swore I would spend them at your side, proving it to you.

* * *

–Kururugi Suzaku, Jeremiah Gottwald at your service –said the man as he curtsied in front of me.

–Jeremiah, I need to know, how loyal are you to Emperor Lelouch?

–His Majesty would have my life with just asking for it –he answered, without a moment of hesitation.

–And how loyal are you to me?

–You are His Majesty's knight. You have my complete commitment.

–I see –I hesitated. This was a risky situation. I wondered, what would you do in my place? I couldn't change this man's will with mine, as you easily could. I had to use words carefully to convince him my plan was the best for you–. Are you aware of Zero's Requiem? –I asked. Jeremiah looked slightly confused.

–Of course, I perfectly know my role to play –he responded, firmly.

–So you are aware of his decision to die –I said. At this, his energetic demeanor deflated visibly.

–Yes, for the noble cause of bringing peace to the world –he affirmed, lowering his head in respect.

–Then, I need to trust you an important mission.

–Your requests are orders to me.

–Emperor Lelouch has to survive the Requiem –I claimed, deciding that being straightforward was the better option. Jeremiah was even more confused.

–But orders are...

–He will still die at the eyes of he world, I will make sure of it. But as his knight, I want to give him the chance to live.

–Are you planning this behind his back?

–Yes –I affirmed without a spare moment–. You know as I do that His Majesty is very young. He had been robbed of his life by terrible circumstances and despite his mistakes he… he deserves to live.

–I think so too –Jeremiah said, his brows furrowed–. How do you plan to save his life?

–I know the ways of the sword, I can hurt him without killing him –I said. Then, I proceeded to explain him my plan, as coldly and level headed as you would–. It would increase his chances of survival.

–What would happen then?

–I understand you have planned to exile yourself. Take him with you. Protect him, so no one can find him. Not even me.

For a long moment, Jeremiah looked intently at me, piercing me with his only eye, as if he was pondering if to trust me or not.

–Do you love him? –he asked suddenly. I froze. Was he talking about loyalty? Or did he knew what I felt for you?

–Yes –I responded. Right after, he dropped one knee to the floor and bowed to me as he would bow to you.

–Then, I'll make all in my power to save His Majesty's life. You have my word.

* * *

The procession advanced, majestically. You stood proud at the top of your carriage, sitting on your opulent throne. At your feet were Nunally and Schneizel heavily chained. Knightmares escorted you and at your flanks were rows of your war prisoners. Public was witnessing the whole parade and, as you estimated, rebels were hiding to act if a chance arose. The pantomime was set.

I stood at the middle of the street, your parade stopped its advance. In the distance, your wore a false expression of horror. The knightmares shoot at me, and I dodged the bullets easily for they were not really aimed at me. Jeremiah was my next opponent. I jumped over his shoulder to reach your carriage. I made it to your throne.

–You imbecile! –you took out a gun, that I immediately swiped out of your hands. I aimed my sword at you, ready to strike.

And you, damned you, smiled. Embracing your death, embracing the katana that would pierce your chest. For all what you had done, all the hard decisions you made, all the lives you took, were meant so this very moment would occur.

I striked. My blade entered you. You groaned, as your eyes clouded with pain.

Complete silence followed. And I prayed that the sword had entered you right. You fell on my shoulder.

–This is your punishment –you whispered, only for me to hear–. You will use that mask as a symbol of justice. Kururugi Suzaku will be a memory. You will give your everything to the world, you will sacrifice your happiness. Forever.

–I accept your Geass –and you marked my mask with your blood.

I retrieved my blade and parted away. You made a dramatic stance, showing the world your crimson chest. And fell, to where Nunally laid.

–Brother? –she touched your hand and, as only she could, she read the bottom of your soul–. It can't be. Brother, you were lying all this time...

–Yes. I… destroyed the world… and… rebuild it… –you murmured, breathless.

–Brother, I love you! –she said, just before you closed your eyes.

There was chaos.

As Nunally cried for you to open your eyes, the rebels appeared to claimed your death. People lunged at your procession. Soldiers escaped. Jeremiah, this was the moment.

–Retreat! Abandon the place!

I ran to Nunally, who clung desperately to your unconscious form.

–Is not fair! You were all I needed! You! –she screamed, as I dragged her away from you. Jeremiah was suddenly there.

A cloud of smoke burst. And I couldn't see anything. And I could do nothing. I held Nunally close until the smoke dispersed. You were gone.

–It's a miracle!

–The Demon Emperor is no more!

The sound of people chanting Zero's name mixed with Nunally's cry. Please, shut up already. I'm not your hero. I'm not your savior.

Goodbye, my love.

* * *

I ran as fast as I could, holding His Majesty close to me. The medical unit was hidden in the dark corner of a near alley. With all the commotion of the Requiem, no prying eyes would care to look in there.

–Over here! –called a man dressed in white when I was almost there.

–Please, help him. He's bleeding too much –I begged, as I handed His Majesty to the man. He disappeared inside the truck, were more doctors waited. The doors were closed.

I was left alone in the alley, hoping His Majesty would live.


	3. Promise

Chapter 3: Promise

A knock interrupted my reading. I stirred, startled. In a split second I realized that outside was pitch black and the candle I was using would consume in a while. I had lost track of time, it was well into the night already. And someone was knocking for the second time. Who could be at this hour?

For a moment, I pondered what to do. Should I wake Jeremiah? It could be something important about the farm. Or maybe it was a neighbour in need. A robber? As if! Only a stupid robber would knock the door. Perhaps…

The third knock was more insistent. Quickly, I brushed aside all the fatalistic ideas my head had managed to conjure. I was perfectly capable of opening the door. Surely, it was nothing compromising.

Carrying the candle with me, I went to attend the call. I opened the door. A hooded figure stood in the darkness. I couldn't see their face, for is was hidden in the penumbra. If I didn't say I was alarmed I would be lying.

–Who is it? –I demanded.

Without a word, the figure shed its hood. I barely distinguished two tempestuous orbs before it charged at me. As it trespassed the threshold I backed instantly, knowing I would be no match for this person. But I had nowhere to run. The candle I was holding fell, everything became shadows. The figure engulfed me with its arms. I screamed.

And nothing. Seconds passed and I was still immobile in those arms. A ragged breath reached my ear, the figure trembled violently. Soon, I listened to hushed sobs. I understood it was an embrace. A desperate embrace from a broken person. A person whose raging eyes I could never mistake.

But it couldn't be. After these years? How could you have possibly found me?

I whispered your name, almost not wanting to believe it. When you tighten your embrace, I knew it was true. I heaved, suddenly there was no air in my lungs. Tears rushed to my eyes. My hands found the way to your shoulders on their own. I returned your embrace.

–Milord! –yelled Jeremiah, appearing with a lamp in one hand and a sword in the other. But he froze, right where he was, when he saw the situation–. Is this…? –he asked. I simply nodded. Apparently, it didn't took him much to understand why his protected one was squeezed against his former knight–. Oh. My apologies, I'll take my leave.

We were left alone again. No one said a word. I didn't ask you what were you doing here, or how did you find me, or how were you going to explain Zero's absence, or why did you save my life those years ago. I took your arms away from me. First, I closed the door. Then, I took your hand, and guided you through the darkness to my room.

I helped you out of your cape, you made me retreat until I was sitting in the bed. There was a thud against the floor, you kneeled in front of me. I could barely make out your features in the nonexistent light. So I extended my hands in search of your face. I roamed over your cheeks, your brows, your forehead, your nose, your lips, recognizing your identity by touch. And I couldn't help but wonder. How many years had it been? What kind of man had you become? Was I still dear to you? Was I dear to you back then? Was that why you decided to save me, in spite of my crimes? Was I so important that you risked everything we fought for so you could spare my life? Or did you only feel guilty?

I wouldn't ask you any of this questions, not now, maybe not ever. I didn't dare. Because I was scared of the answers. I was scared of braking this figment you seemed to be. I had you now, after believing I wouldn't have you ever again. It had to be enough.

You reached for my hands, and followed the way up to my arms, to my shoulders, until you found the neck of my shirt. You undid the buttons. I won't deny it, I was nervous, terribly so. You slid your hand underneath the fabric, against my skin. Until you found my scar. You caressed it softly, over and over again. And then, it wasn't your fingers what I had against my scar, but your lips. You kissed it, delicately, fondly. I wasn't your emperor and you weren't my knight, yet, you were kneeling before me, kissing the scar you had made, the scar from the wound that should have killed me. The wound you allowed to heal.

Damned you. I couldn't fight you. Years could pass, but a single gesture of yours was enough for you to make me enamoured all over again.

Blindly, I searched for your mouth, and you kissed me, as if you were a thirsty man who was given fresh water. I savored your bitter mouth slowly, taking in each sensation, feeling your lips couple mine, your tongue invading my mouth, for the first time in years.

You got rid of my shirt, you continued with my pants. I heared rustling, and the next thing I knew, you were climbing onto the bed, onto me, with nothing but bare skin. Completely nude, I held on to you, feeling your flesh against mine, feeling your hot breath against my neck, and your hands travelling all over my body. Quiet moans erupted from my throat as you slowly devoured it with kisses. Your mouth went down, towards my chest, where you caressed my sensitive places with your tongue until you had me gasping for air. Your hands made their way down my legs, where you grazed my thighs with your fingers until they parted for you.

Those fingers found my entrance. They probed, softly. Soon, they were stretching me, rubbing me, becoming the awkwardness into pleasure. And then, a different part of you was asking for permission. Slowly, you pushed. I gritted my teeth as pain arose. In the back of my mind, I remembered our first time, and the blood taste in my mouth as you kissed me through a pain similar to this. I whimpered. You cooed me, gently shushing in my ear. At last, you buried yourself deeply in me. It took me a long moment to adjust, but even if you were ablaze, you were patient. You stood still, waiting for me, as you wrapped me in a tight embrace.

When I was ready, I kissed your your temple in silent allowance.

You retreated, then you surged forward, slowly, taking your time to remember how to do it right. Soon, you found the angle, you found the rhythm. As you grew confident, you started thrusting harder and harder. What once was pain, turned into something akin to bliss. Without realizing, I started rocking with you. My breath became harsh, my mind numb. I was getting lost in you and the pleasure you were gifting me with.

A sharp ache pierced my chest. I gasped, suddenly unable to fill my lungs. The strangled sounds I made alerted you. You stopped all motion, stirring in panic, my name almost falling from your lips. I mentally cursed. I had forgotten of my new condition, and you were just learning about it. I fought the ache, I forced myself to take in a slow mouthful of air, and managed to breath again.

Still panting, I held your face in my hands, bringing you close again, so I could catch a glimpse of your eyes. Your troubled eyes. I'm fine. Please, don't feel guilty. I wanted to tell you so many things, but I was scared that words would wake us from this delirium. So I captured your lips with mine, hoping you would understand what I couldn't say.

You let go of my lips, you raised onto your knees, leaving me empty. I feared you would have decided not to have my broken self. But then, you made me sit. Perplexed, I heard the murmur of the sheets. When you pushed me softly back on the bed, I noticed you had arranged the pillows; my hips and back were safely resting in the cushioned surface. That way, your hips laid underneath mine. You found my entrence once again, you filled me wholy and I quivered in relief.

I surrounded your waist with my legs, in a silent request. And when you resumed your thrusts, it was with new care. This time you lunged at me slowly, filling me completely, and still giving time to recover. It became a delicious torture. I wanted to beg you to go harder, to go quicker, but all the sounds that came from my throat were desperate moans. With the new pace, it took us forever to reach our highs. You would drag me to the edge, you would made me stand right beside the abyss, but just before I would be sent in the downfall, you would hold still, so I could catch my breath and calm my rampant heart. You would entertain me with loving kisses, and gentle caresses along my torso, my waist, my legs. And as we melted into each other, the instant became a little eternity. I felt like crying of bittersweet joy. You were here, with me, over me, inside me, filling every one of my senses with your presence.

You built up my release at your own leisure, but after many comes and goes, not even you could hold back. You set a pace, slow but constant, lunging and lunging until there was nothing to do but to dive. Almost without warning, you spilled in my interior, a groan of completion erupting from you. Moments later, I moaned in rapture, waves of delight overflowing my entire body as my flesh constricted in spasm after spasm.

You fell on my chest, you ear pressed against the left side, over my heartbeat. I submerged into an agreeable somnolence, lulled by your warmth and the sound of your ragged breath.

From that moment, time seemed to deter. Hours passed by, and we both were in a pleasurable daze. We ate when we needed, we slept when we wanted. We made love until we couldn't anymore. We didn't leave my room, we didn't leave each other's side.

Like that, one day passed. And then another, and another. At the end of the third, you said the firsts words I heard you say in years.

–I have to go –you murmured. I could swear your voice was rougher than I remembered.

–I know.

–But I will come back, as soon as I can. I promise –you said, your death serious eyes piercing my soul–. Will you wait for me? –you asked, a hint of fear in your features.

–I will.

That night, you departed. I was left with a kiss in my cheek and your promise of coming back. You left under the cover of the shadows with my promise of waiting for you. No thing was solved between us, and as I watched your silhouette getting lost in the distance, I wondered if they would ever be. If someday you would be willing to forgive me. If you would ever come back.

But I had made you a promise. So goodbye my love. I will wait.

Fin.


End file.
